21 Ways To Avoid Extramarital Affairs
Extramarital affairs cause many problems in marriage.
Any sexual relationship outside of marriage is an extramarital affair. It is unacceptable, and it is not a pleasant sight once caught.
I wouldn’t dabble much into the consequences of extramarital affairs, which are grave.
No one, at least in their right mind, goes into marriage with a plan to cheat. Yet, some marriages are plagued with affairs. The number of people caught in the act of cheating is significantly lower than the number of cheating.
What is disconcerting is that it occurs even in acclaimed happy marriages. Astonished? “How is this possible?” you may ask.
There are a lot of things that contribute to one’s tendency to have an affair. Some are subtle that you wouldn’t notice until it is too late. Others are so pronounced that you don’t need to be told before you know.
How, then, do you avoid extramarital affairs? Not to worry, I will show you practical ways to avoid cheating in marriage.
1. An open line of communication:
If you take the time to sleep out of your schedule, all the time remaining is used to communicate. Whether you know it or not, you are communicating verbally and non-verbally.
Communication is essential in marriage to avoid extramarital affairs. You and your spouse should have an open line of communication and learn to communicate respectfully.
That line should never be blocked, and the communication must be honest. Having discussions about all things will build trust and strengthen your relationship.
Allow your spouse to be honest with you, don’t shun them. When your guys are honest with yourselves, you can spot any disposition to have an affair.
2. Define your contract:
Marriage is a contract, at least in most ways. However, it is more than any contract because it involves some intangible things.
It might involve agreements between two people with or without others to witness.
Hence, you must clearly define what is and is not in your relationship. I am not saying you should be strictly bureaucratic. No, that will take the fun away from the union.
What I am saying, in essence, is that you should explicitly state what goes into your relationship. For instance, you should decide what information you share with others and how you handle that information.
You guys must be on the same page as to the definition of cheating. Some say that if there’s no penetration, it is not cheating.
On the other hand, any form of emotions, feelings and romantic gestures are regarded as cheating by some people.
So, be clear about what cheating is with your spouse.
3. Formulate plans to eliminate extramarital affairs:
Now that you both know what goes and what doesn’t, it is high time you devised means to make your marriage extramarital affair-free.
After knowing what is okay to do, you must have a strategy whenever something comes up. Adhere strictly to the strategy that works.
Adapt and strategise again if the plan does not work.
4. Build a great relationship:
The best way to avoid extramarital affairs is to make your marriage great. If you have an enjoyable marriage, the chances of an affair are reduced already.
Try as much as possible to meet the need of your partner and protect your home from third-party interference. Be there for each other emotionally, financially, and physically.
Ensure your partner is happy and relaxed whenever they are around you. You can only build a great relationship when available and channel your effort to make each other happy.
5. Do it together:
While you have some witnesses when you start your marriage, they won’t be there for you for other decisions you make.
It is now you and your spouse. Remember, you cannot have a great relationship without creating time for your spouse and marriage.
Do things you both will enjoy together. Do things your spouse likes, even if you don’t like them. It will help you build a stronger relationship. You could go together to a movie, spa, seminar, religious centre, or mall.
Watch TV, his favourite sport, or her favourite show together. The core thing is to do it together. As you spend time together, you bond more, reducing the chances of an affair.
Appreciation is crucial in life. People like it when they are appreciated, not when they are tolerated.
A partner not appreciated in the relationship may look elsewhere for that appreciation.
Appreciate your spouse at every chance you’ve got. You can either say it or show it.
7. Help achieve your spouse’s goal:
We all have individual goals. Don’t isolate yourself from your spouse’s goals. Render helps as much as you can to see those goals achieved.
Ask about his progress. Know a thing or two about her project.
Help her in the kitchen and help him in the garden. As you spend time on each other’s goals and lend a hand, you will see more value in your spouse and your relationship.
8. Be better:
One of the things I learned from a couple I look up to while in college is to “eliminate jealousy”. You and I like good things and will desire a better thing without a doubt.
Jealousy is natural, but you should channel that energy into being better instead of being jealous. Being better attracts where jealousy repels.
Don’t be jealous if you sense that your spouse’s attention is directed towards another. Understand why that has happened and channel your energy to improve the situation. Does someone he talks a lot about makes him laugh so effortlessly, learn to make him laugh too.
Threats and fear will not make your spouse love you more; it will only further push him away. Be better, and I am certain you will see changes.
9. Understand your spouse:
I have a friend who is always attracted to older women. When young girls are around him, his wife does not flinch because she knows the girls are safe around him.
However, the situation changes when older women are around.
The secret to a great relationship is understanding. You can’t trust someone you don’t understand, and you can’t expect trust from someone who doesn’t understand you too.
Your spouse has secrets (even if it’s just thoughts only). Spouses that share their innermost secrets are less likely to have an affair. Understanding your spouse will let you know his or her predisposition.
10. Set your priorities right:
Many people get their priorities wrong. Thank goodness you are not “many people”! How your marriage turns out depends on you. Hence, it would help if you always made your marriage a priority.
When your marriage is your priority, you will agree with your spouse to make it work. If your partner is not playing his part, you should let him or her know.
It would help to create time out of your tight schedule to set these priorities right.
11. Let your partner know you are distracted by someone:
Sincerity and honesty are the keys here. You and your spouse must trust each other to the point that you tell each other if either of you feels attracted to someone other than your spouse.
It is then you can now help each other out. Often, you may get dragged into an unwanted relationship because you are hiding a feeling of attraction from your spouse.
An attraction can happen, but how you deal with it in marriage determines the outcome.
12. Don’t avoid conflict! Trash it out:
Since you both came from different backgrounds, the idea of what is normal may not perfectly overlap.
When you guys talk, there might be times of conflict. Don’t try to avoid it; speak up. If it is common for both of you to always avoid a disagreement, your self-expression will be thwarted.
Besides, you get to know the likes and dislikes of your partner. A light disagreement is healthy for a strong relationship. Resolve the conflict amicably to reduce the risk of an affair.
13. Don’t share emotional secrets with anyone other than your spouse:
Your best friend is your partner. At least your partner should be.
Your best friend is that person that knows you in and out, and who better is in that position than your spouse?
You shouldn’t have an intimate secret with the opposite sex other than your spouse.
You and the person are likely to become emotionally entangled. Extramarital affairs habitually start in that manner.
14. Avoid an environment that tolerates extramarital affairs:
Most people will cheat if an opportunity presents itself. More will cheat if they know they will never be caught cheating.
You will probably do if your friends or coworkers think it is okay to have an affair.
Don’t invite the opposite sex over for dinner when your wife is not around; it’s a risk.
Don’t set yourself up or stay in an environment that encourages cheating.
15. Be positive:
No one likes to stay around negative people. Say and do positive things to and with your spouse.
When you encourage your partner, your partner will feel at ease discussing matters with you. If your spouse does not speak with you or even ask for your opinion, you might have let your spouse down previously.
Your spouse may choose to be vulnerable elsewhere if he cannot do that with you. To avoid this, ensure you make your thoughts known and speak ten times more positively than negatively.
16. Don’t underestimate romance:
Some couples’ romantic life ends a few months into their marriage. Lack of romance and physical intimacy is one of the common marriage problems couples face.
It is hard for you to listen to a boring person continually.
You will get distracted and can even become lost in your thoughts. Staying faithful in boring unromantic marriage is fatal to the relationship.
Build your romance, and have a good sex life to avoid extramarital affairs.
17. Speak the same language:
No, I don’t mean English, French, or German. When you speak, you tend to paint your language with personal words.
You have picked up these words from your friends, family and environment along the way.
As you grow together, you should understand each other’s language even if your language doesn’t sound similar.
18. Be diligent:
Please don’t put your relationship on cruise control; expecting it to win the race.
Let me remind you that you are in a constant race. A lot of things and people might demand your attention. The same thing applies to your partner.
Hence, you have to work on your relationship continuously. Please don’t be too lazy when it comes to your marriage.
Diligence and commitment always pays.
19. Go for counselling against extramarital affairs:
Most couples that come in through my door come too late for counselling. Counselling is not just a tool for correcting.
It is a tool for improvement. Couples who go for periodic counselling often stay together longer than those that wait until something goes wrong.
Make time for periodic counselling so you can talk to a professional with your partner, before things go wrong.
No one is perfect. No one. Be slow to anger and forgive easily. That’s a tenet in marriage.
All relationships have their ups and downs. Forgive your spouse’s mistake and correct it in love.
Do not allow a rectifiable mistake cost you your relationship.
21. Rebuild after extramarital affairs:
Has your partner cheated on you or have you cheated on your partner in the past? Do not forget to rebuild.
Once bitten, twice shy. Learn from it so that bad history will not repeat itself.
Ask yourself or your spouse certain questions – How did it happen the last time? How do I help myself or my spouse so that such will not happen again?
Have answers to these questions and other related ones.
Extramarital affairs hardly happen by chance. Often, it is a conscious decision that causes my many underlying issues.
It is upsetting to everyone involved and makes partners lose trust. It turns the heart of children against their parents and reduces the chances of raising a successful and happy child.
I hope you will use these twenty-one ways to keep your relationship free from affairs.