15 Toxic Patterns In Relationships To Watch Out For!

15 Toxic Patterns In Relationships To Watch Out For!

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Love is blind.”

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s easy to overlook flaws or brush off behaviors that make you uncomfortable.

After all, nobody’s perfect, right? But what happens when those small, seemingly insignificant behaviors pile up?

When they turn into patterns that leave you feeling drained, anxious, or even questioning your self-worth?

I’ve been there. Many of us have. A toxic pattern in relationships is often disguised as love, concern, or playfulness.

They can be subtle at first, making them hard to identify until they take a firm hold.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step in breaking free from them.

In this post, I will talk about 15 toxic patterns in relationships that you should watch out for.

Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been with your partner for years, it’s crucial to stay aware and protect your emotional well-being.

Remember, love should lift you, not tear you down.

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one partner makes the other doubt their reality.

It can start subtly. Your partner questions your memory of events or make you feel like you’re overreacting to something.

For example, they might say, “Are you sure that’s what happened?” or “You’re too sensitive.”

Over time, this constant questioning can make you doubt your perceptions, leading you to rely more on the version of your partner’s reality.

In severe cases, gaslighting can escalate to a point where you feel like you’re losing your mind.

You might start second-guessing everything you do or say, constantly wondering if you’re the problem.

This erosion of your self-trust can be incredibly damaging, leaving you confused, isolated, and dependent on your partner’s validation. 

Prevent this by practicing these 15 ways to get rid of negativity in your mind. 

2. Constant Criticism

Constant Criticism

There’s a difference between constructive feedback and relentless criticism.

Constructive feedback is given to help you grow, often delivered with kindness and consideration.

However, constant criticism is a form of verbal abuse and a toxic pattern in relationships that aims to tear you down. 

It’s not about improving; it’s about control. For example, your partner might criticize your appearance, saying things like, “Why do you always wear that? It doesn’t suit you.”

Or they might nitpick your actions, like how you clean, cook, or even speak.

Over time, this constant barrage of negativity can chip away at your self-esteem, making you feel like you’re never good enough.

You might find yourself trying to change who you are to meet their impossible standards, and losing your sense of self. 

Read 20 fun facts about relationships

3. Controlling Behavior

At first, control might seem like a concern—your partner wants to know where you are, who you’re with, or what you’re doing.

It can be flattering when someone cares so much about you, but it is a red flag when this concern turns into demands and restrictions.

Controlling behavior can manifest in various ways, from dictating what you wear and who you spend time with to making all the decisions in the relationship.

Your partner might insist on knowing your whereabouts every time, calling or texting constantly to check up on you.

They might try to control your social life and discourage you from seeing friends or family.

They make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time away from them.

This behavior is about power and dominance and can leave you feeling trapped and isolated, unable to live freely.

If you find yourself in this situation, learn these 16 ways to take control of your life and be happy

4. Emotional Withholding

Emotional withholding

Love is about connection and vulnerability.

But when your partner withholds affection, attention, or communication as a punishment, it becomes a toxic pattern in relationships.

Emotional withholding might look like the silent treatment, where your partner ignores you for hours or days after a disagreement.

It could also involve them refusing to show affection or engage in meaningful conversations, leaving you feeling neglected and unloved.

This behavior can be incredibly damaging because it creates a sense of desperation in the relationship.

You might find yourself doing whatever it takes to win back your partner’s attention or affection, even if it means compromising your needs or values.

Over time, this dynamic can make you feel like you’re constantly chasing after your partner’s approval, never quite feeling secure in the relationship.

5. Jealousy and Possessiveness

Jealousy and Possessiveness

A little jealousy might seem flattering.

It can be a sign that your partner values you and fears losing you.

But when jealousy becomes possessive, it’s no longer about love but control.

Jealousy is one of the 15 behaviours that destroy relationships 

Possessive behavior often stems from deep insecurity and can manifest in various ways.

For example, constantly accusing you of flirting, checking your phone or social media accounts, or trying to control who you interact with.

Your partner might get upset when you talk to someone of the opposite sex or insist on knowing every detail of your interactions with others.

They might demand access to your phone or social media passwords, framing it as a matter of trust.

However, this behavior is not about trust but about monitoring and controlling you.

Over time, this possessiveness can make you feel suffocated as if you’re constantly under surveillance. 

6. Stonewalling

Stonewalling

This is when one partner shuts down during an argument, refusing to communicate or acknowledge the other.

This can leave you feeling abandoned and frustrated, unable to resolve conflicts or express your feelings.

It often involves avoiding eye contact, ignoring your attempts to communicate, or walking away mid-conversation.

This behavior is an incredibly toxic pattern in relationships because it blocks any possibility of resolving issues in relationships.

When your partner refuses to engage, it sends the message that your feelings and concerns don’t matter.

Over time, stonewalling can create a deep sense of loneliness and resentment, as you’re left to deal with unresolved conflicts on your own.

7. Blame-Shifting

In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions.

It is a way to practice one of the 20 ways to stop being taken for granted in the relationship. 

A toxic pattern in relationships is when your partner constantly shifts the blame onto you, refusing to own up to their mistakes, it’s 

Maybe your partner hurts your feelings, they might turn the situation around, accusing you of being too sensitive or overreacting.

Or, if they make a mistake, they might blame you for it, saying, “If you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that.”

This behavior is a form of emotional manipulation that can make you doubt yourself and feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault.

Over time, you might start apologizing for things you didn’t do, simply to keep the peace.

Blame-shifting erodes trust in the relationship and prevents real growth or resolution, as your partner refuses to take accountability for their actions.

8. Love Bombing

At the start of a relationship, love bombing can feel exhilarating.

Your partner showers you with affection, attention, and gifts, making you feel like you’re on top of the world.

They might tell you they’ve never felt that way about anyone, or that you’re their soulmate.

However, this intense adoration can quickly turn into control or manipulation.

Love bombing is often used to create a sense of dependency in the relationship.

After the initial rush of affection, the love bomber might start to withdraw, leaving you confused and desperate to get back to the way things were.

This push-pull dynamic can make you feel emotionally off-balance, constantly trying to earn back your partner’s love and attention.

Over time, this toxic pattern in relationships can leave you feeling drained and insecure, as you’re never sure where you stand in the relationship.

Read these Facts About Dating & Relationships In The Digital Age

9. Isolation

A toxic partner might try to isolate you from your friends, family, or support system.

They may convince you that others don’t care about you, or create drama to make you choose between them and your loved ones.

They might say things like, “Your friends don’t understand us,” or “Your family is just jealous of what we have.”

This behavior is a way to cut you off from your support network, making you more reliant on your partner.

Over time, isolation can make you feel incredibly lonely and trapped.

Without the support of friends and family, it’s easier for your partner to control and manipulate you.

You might start to lose touch with your sense of self, as your world becomes increasingly centered around your partner and their needs.

Read 12 Ways To Trust Someone Again After They Hurt You

10. Inconsistent Behavior

Inconsistent behavior being loving one moment and distant the next can create an emotional rollercoaster.

This pattern keeps you on edge, constantly wondering where you stand and trying to earn back your partner’s affection.

For example, your partner might be incredibly attentive and affectionate one day, only to become cold and distant the next, with no explanation.

This unpredictable behavior can create a sense of instability in the relationship, making it difficult for you to feel secure.

You might find yourself walking on eggshells, trying to avoid anything that might trigger your partner’s withdrawal.

Over time, this inconsistency can erode your sense of self-worth, as it makes you believe that you’re responsible for your partner’s changing moods.

11. Guilt-Tripping

Guilt-tripping

If your partner frequently makes you feel guilty for things you haven’t done or for expressing your needs, it’s a form of emotional manipulation.

Guilt-tripping can force you into compliance, sacrificing your happiness to avoid conflict.

You deserve to be happy and you should practice these 15 tips for happiness in daily life.

Maybe you express a need or concern, your partner might respond with, “After everything I do for you, this is how you treat me?” or “I guess I’m just not good enough for you.”

This behavior is designed to make you feel guilty for asserting yourself or setting boundaries.

Over time, guilt-tripping can make you suppress your own needs and desires, constantly putting your partner’s needs above your own.

This dynamic is incredibly unhealthy, as it creates an imbalance of power in the relationship and prevents you from advocating for yourself.

Guilt-tripping is a toxic pattern in relationships.

When it becomes a regular occurrence in a relationship, it can have long-lasting effects on your self-esteem and mental health.

You might begin to internalize the idea that your needs are unreasonable or that you’re being selfish for wanting basic things like respect, affection, or time to yourself.

This manipulation tactic keeps you in a cycle of self-doubt.

It makes it harder for you to stand up for yourself or recognize when your boundaries are being crossed.

12. Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse isn’t always loud or obvious.

It can be subtle, like making sarcastic remarks, humiliating you in front of others, or using a condescending tone.

Verbal abuse might start with seemingly innocuous comments, such as teasing you about your appearance or making jokes at your expense.

However, over time, these remarks can become more frequent and cutting, targeting your vulnerabilities and eroding your self-confidence.

Verbal abuse is one of the toxic patterns in relationships and can take the form of name-calling, threats, or constant put-downs.

Your partner might say things like, “You’re so stupid,” or “No one else would ever want you.”

These comments are designed to make you feel worthless and dependent on your partner for validation.

The more you hear these negative messages, the more you might start to believe them, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

The effects of verbal abuse are deep and lasting.

Even after the relationship ends, the damage caused by these words can linger, affecting how you see yourself and interact with others.

It’s important to recognize verbal abuse for what it is. 

It is an intentional effort to control and harm you and to take steps to protect yourself from it.

Read 14 Secrets That Destroy Marriages

13. Domestic Violence

Physical abuse is one of the most overt and dangerous toxic patterns in relationships.

It’s not just about the physical harm but also the psychological trauma that comes with it.

Domestic violence can take many forms, including hitting, slapping, pushing, or choking.

It can also involve more subtle forms of physical control, such as blocking your exit during an argument or intimidating you with aggressive gestures.

The fear and anxiety that accompany domestic violence are often as damaging as the physical injuries themselves.

Victims of domestic violence may feel trapped in their relationships, unable to leave due to fear of further violence, financial dependence, or concern for their children.

The abuser may also use threats, such as saying they’ll harm themselves or others if you try to leave, to maintain control.

I remember the first time I realized I was in a toxic relationship.

It wasn’t the bruises that made me see it; it was the fear.

The way I jumped every time my phone buzzed, dreading that it might be him.

I started distancing myself from friends and family, making excuses for why I couldn’t see them.

I didn’t want them to see the fear in my eyes or the anxiety that had taken over my life.

It took me a long time to admit what was happening, but when I did, it was like a weight lifted off my chest.

I sought help and found the strength to leave. If you’re in a similar situation, please know you’re not alone—reach out to someone you trust.

14. Financial Control

Money is a significant aspect of any relationship.

If you are in your 20s, learn these 15 ways to be smart with your money. 

When one partner controls all the finances, it can create an imbalance of power.

Financial control might include restricting your access to money, making you account for every penny, or preventing you from working.

Your partner might give you an allowance, monitor your spending, or refuse to let you have your bank account.

This kind of control is a toxic pattern in relationships and it makes it difficult to leave, as you may feel financially trapped.

If your partner controls all the finances, they might use money to manipulate your behavior or keep you dependent on them.

They might say things like, “You don’t need to work; I’ll take care of everything,” only to use that financial dependency against you later.

This can lead to a situation where you feel powerless and unable to decide for yourself.

The lack of financial independence can also make it harder for you to leave an abusive or toxic relationship, as you may fear not being able to support yourself or your children.

Financial control is a form of abuse that often goes unrecognized because it doesn’t leave visible scars.

However, the impact is profound, as it strips you of your autonomy and makes you feel like you’re at the mercy of your partner’s decisions.

It’s important to recognize the signs of financial abuse and take steps to protect your financial independence and security.

Read 6 Ways Assumptions Affect Communication

15. Lack of Accountability

Lack of Accountability

In a healthy relationship, both partners should be willing to take responsibility for their actions and work together to resolve issues.

However, if your partner consistently refuses to apologize, blames you for everything, or acts like they can do no wrong, it is toxic. 

This toxic pattern in relationships can undermine trust and connection.

If your partner does something hurtful, they might dismiss your feelings or say, “That’s just the way I am; deal with it.”

This refusal to acknowledge their mistakes or make amends can create a rift in the relationship, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated.

A lack of accountability often goes hand in hand with other toxic behaviors, such as gaslighting or blame-shifting.

Your partner might twist situations to make it seem like you’re at fault, even when they’re the ones who are wrong.

Over time, this can lead to a sense of hopelessness.

You realize that no matter what happens, your partner will never take responsibility for their actions or work to improve the relationship.

Accountability is a crucial component of any healthy relationship.

It allows both partners to grow and learn from their mistakes, fostering mutual respect and trust.

Without it, the relationship becomes one-sided, with one partner always bearing the brunt of the blame while the other refuses to change.

If your partner lacks accountability, it’s a sign that they’re unwilling to put in the effort needed to maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

Closing Remarks

Recognizing these toxic patterns is crucial for your emotional and mental well-being.

Relationships should be a source of support, joy, and mutual respect.

To build a relationship filled with love, laughter, and learning, learn these 15 tips to maintain a strong relationship.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it’s essential to address it—whether that means seeking help, setting boundaries, or walking away.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, loved, and free to be yourself.

Don’t settle for less.

It might be hard to break free from a toxic relationship, but the peace and happiness you’ll find on the other side are worth it.

Trust yourself and know you’re strong enough to create the life and love you deserve.

Reclaim your power, and remember that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself.